I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
