Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
