They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
