you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
