you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
