Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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