This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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