Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's never too late to be topless.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
