I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
