Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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