Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want her autograph on my taint
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
