I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
