walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
