She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
