Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
