his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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