the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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