scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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