Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
