Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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