I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
