duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
