i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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