its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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