I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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