Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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