so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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