shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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