i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
3pm strippers are depressing
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
