We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
