doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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