I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize