if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
