it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
