we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
