non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
