Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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