is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
