Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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