her vagine was all disorganized.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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