it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize