Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
