She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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