I just pynch a tree in the face
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
