You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
