She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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