Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
