goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
