Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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