3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
