Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize