I think my vagina is haunted
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
