she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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