The maid of honor just puked.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
