Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize