Betty ford says i'm here all night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
