i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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