Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
