saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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