i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
