Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
