People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
