The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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