I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
