Betty ford says i'm here all night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
