JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
