i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
