I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
