He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
