is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
