i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
