Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
