If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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