i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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