Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were trust falling into bushes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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