Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
