I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
