So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
